I’ve always wanted a fairy godmother…
I’ve longed for someone that, with the wave of her magic wand or just a gentle touch of her loving hand, could make my life better… that could make me a better person.
Instead, I’m visited by the violent and emotional Kali, a Mother Goddess from Hindu tradition. Kali is the Goddess of inward searching that requires change and whose change, or refusal to change, evokes chaos. Championing both creation and destruction, Kali is most often felt during dark soul-searching and demon-probing.
It seems I have gotten to know Kali well over the years.
When I think about myself, I know that I am a capable, intelligent, responsible person who accomplishes many things.
When I feel about myself, it is something altogether different…
I feel that I am capable of being that woman described above, but I’ve never gotten anywhere near being her.
I want to be that woman.
In many ways, I feel this wanting to become is just a waste of time: I am who I am and nothing will change that. So, enter my personal demons, the ones that encourage me to ignore my needs and to wallow in apathy and self-destructive habits.
Kali manifests herself in these demons, demanding that I accept the fight to change, or suffer the misery of not changing and the guilt associated with that defeat…
Change.
That word… that concept.
The Monarch butterfly is a symbol of change.
Butterflies must die to being a caterpillar before they can reemerge as a beautiful butterfly, spending time in darkness that allows them to change completely.
Maybe I need to die to being the person I am and look forward to becoming the new, beautiful me, just like the majestic black and orange Monarchs…
Because…
Even if I can’t be a butterfly, I know I can enjoy wintering each year in Mexico!!!
